The Myth of Starting Over vs. Sticking to Healthy Habits
You had a rhythm. You were showing up. Then something happened—a crisis. A bad week. Exhaustion. You fell out of sync.
Now your mind whispers, “You need to start over.”
But what if that’s not true.
How many times have you told yourself, “This time, I’m really going to stick to it.”? Whether it’s a new self-care routine, a healthier lifestyle, or a better work-life balance, the pattern is often the same: enthusiasm at the start, a few days (or weeks) of consistency, then an unexpected setback that feels like failure.
For high-achieving, anxious perfectionists, this cycle can be frustrating. It feels like you’re constantly starting over, reinforcing the belief that you lack discipline or willpower. But what if the real issue isn’t your ability to stay consistent, but rather the way you view the process?
You’re Not Starting Over—You’re Learning to Stand Longer
That voice urging you to “start over” sounds productive. But it’s often fueled by a part of you afraid of imperfection. A part that equates consistency with control. That part might think: “If we just start fresh, we’ll do it perfectly this time. If we mess up again, we clearly didn’t try hard enough.”
But here’s the truth: You didn’t fail. You paused. And in that pause, life kept happening.
Maybe your nervous system was asking for something different. Maybe you needed flexibility, not rigidity.
Your body isn’t a machine. It doesn’t reset with shame. It responds to care. It returns to rhythm—when it feels safe, not punished.
Nature doesn’t “start over” in spring. It builds on what’s already beneath the surface—dormant, not broken. Paused, not erased.
Instead of seeing every setback as a failure, consider reframing it as part of an ongoing process. Rather than asking, “Why can’t I stick with this?” shift to:
Am I staying on my feet longer before I stumble?
Am I recovering from the setback more quickly?
Has the process of falling and getting back up evolved?
Growth isn’t about never falling; it’s about how you rise.
In therapy, we often explore resilience not as a trait you either have or don’t have, but as a skill that strengthens over time. The same applies to self-care.
Progress Over Perfection
Perfectionism tells us that if we can’t do something perfectly and indefinitely, it’s not worth doing at all. But real, lasting change is built on flexibility, not rigid rules. Instead of setting a flawless routine and hoping to maintain it forever, consider these strategies:
Measure progress differently. Instead of tracking streaks or perfection, notice patterns over time. Are you engaging in self-care more often than before? Are you recognizing your needs earlier?
Expect fluctuations. Energy, motivation, and circumstances shift. Rather than resisting these natural ups and downs, adapt your expectations accordingly.
Plan for the fall. Instead of assuming you’ll never break your routine, anticipate that you will—and decide in advance how you’ll get back on track. This might mean having a smaller, more manageable version of your routine for difficult days.
Shift from self-criticism to curiosity. When you notice yourself slipping, avoid judgment. Ask: “What’s different this time? What do I need? How can I support myself through this?”
Success Is in the Getting Back Up
What if you didn’t need a clean slate? What if your next step could meet you exactly where you are—with all your pauses, patterns, and progress still intact? Long-term change isn’t about white-knuckling your way through a perfect routine. It’s about creating a compassionate relationship with yourself—one that allows for imperfection, adaptation, and growth. You don’t need a new beginning. you just need permission to begin again. So, the next time you feel like you’re “starting over,” remind yourself: you’re not. You’re learning. You’re evolving. And that’s the real success.
What feels different in your body when you say “I’m starting over” vs. “I’m continuing”?
